It's been a posting while...

There have been some life changes over the last several weeks. Some good, some not so good. That said, that's life, is it not? Yes, that's truth no matter how you look at it. Anyway, I have so many thoughts since last posting, but I'll simply try to just *be* tonight and not ramble on too much. All good for anyone who reads here. :o )

I know I have been a true mess for soooo many months. Any person going through a breakup or the ending of a marriage appreciates what that means. The pressure to "move on" has been HUGE (no fault of anyone who only want the best for me, to be sure), but I have/am learning that my schedule of healing and letting go is only mine. It's not about dwelling or not accepting, but it's about grief of loss. Loss of a long term marriage, loss of family, and the loss of a love I truly held deeply within my being. Frankly, I must be honest. I always "loved" my ex husband, but I had absolutely no idea how deeply I held him within my heart. Isn't that always the way. ~Sigh~

So here it is. I will continue to move on at *my* speed. It may not be fast and it may still have moments where I am imperfect (sobbing times and not behaving as the old me), but I am doing it. I will ***always*** miss my old friend, the shape of his hands when he held mine, or the intensity of his eyes when he was truly himself looking into mine. This is my time of work. No one elses. If any person, whomever trips upon my writing and is going through such a difficult time reads this, please remember this. For what it's worth....

Breathe. Do not ever let anyone tell you how you should or shouldn't feel. Behave or shouldn't behave. Just try and find yourself and at your time speed. You are never to fix anything for anyone, but (((you))). I'm beginning to think that we cannot move on to a better life if we do not put ourselves first. I'm finally getting that it's not selfish and we deserve *us* first before others. Nothing like getting past that old Catholic guilt! LOL!

I'm going to be *me*. No more worries about how I come across to anyone. Besides, isn't that how we always should be? Our true self??? I mean, DUH! So, I may be loud at times, ramble/babble in conversations, laugh much over stupid stuff, and not be real knowledgable on many topics. But, I will always be *me*. I really like that. :o )